Maximum Ride: The Final Straw
by Reclusive Watermelon
Summary: I'd like to see you stay hidden from Itex with 116 angsty supermutants tagging along.


Disclaimer: If I owned the Maximum Ride series, the books would not have two-page chapters.

* * *

The wind rustled softly through the trees. An owl hooted faintly. Then all was silent again.

Suddenly, the stillness was broken by the sound of a twig not snapping as Esmerleodina glided forward. She moved with the grace of a panther; it was in her very blood. Pausing, she saw the glimmer of a fire ahead with her enhanced night vision. Her violet eyes, specked with flashes of deep emerald, narrowed, and she tossed her gold-and-raven locks over her subtly athletic shoulder. Her willowy frame, thin from years of malnourishment and physical neglect, moved forward again, showing that, despite said years of neglect, she remained curvy in all the proper places.

Esmerleodina quietly entered a small clearing filled with human figures, all resting or whispering among themselves. A tall, blonde – or was it brunette? – girl crouched over a fire in the center, carefully feeding it twigs. Esmerleodina reached out to the girl with special empathy powers, checking for waves of hate. She felt none. However, years of fleeing from her one-time captors had taught her never to drop her guard, and she kept her pointed, cat-like ears, with their super-hearing abilities, perked as she moved towards the fire.

As Esmerleodina approached, she saw that the girl had wings poking from her jacket. Esmerleodina's deep auburn eyes widened. Were the rumors really true – were there really more like her? More…mutants? Although Esmerleodina seemed like an ordinary human, she was actually the product of a recombinant-DNA experiment. Esmerleodina was only 97 percent human. Her DNA was also five percent panther, two percent dolphin, three percent lion, and one percent dragonfly. This last part allowed her to fly, even though she didn't have wings.

But the girl sitting by the fire did have wings. Esmerleodina's head whirled with questions. Was this girl a human-bird experiment? Had she also escaped from the School, the place where Esmerleodina had been formed…and tortured? Choked with feeling, Esmerleodina knelt next to the girl. Her sapphire eyes, blue as the sky above, sparkled with unshed tears.

"My name is Esmerleodina. Since I was an infant, evil scientists at a place called the School have been testing and torturing me. Two years ago, I finally managed to escape, only to be betrayed by the only person in the world whom I trusted. I was almost recaptured, and ever since I have been on the run, sleeping in the dirt and eating out of dumpsters. I have managed to elude capture only because of my amazing special powers, which are why the scientists are so keen to have me back. My powers are too numerous to list, but they include the abilities to control the waves and tides of oceans, telekinetically move objects, and summon the power of the earth to aid me in my weakest moments. It may sound strange, but deep inside me, I feel as though I have a noble duty to save the world, though I know not from what. Yet despite my power, I am lonely. I walk with a haunted aspect, forsaken by all. But something draws me to you. Perhaps –"

Maximum Ride glanced up briefly. "Fuck off," she said, and returned to her work.

"W-what? That's not how this is supposed to go!" hissed Esmerleodina. "Didn't you read the script?"

Max looked up again and sighed wearily. "Look," she said, "for the past four and a half years, my flock has been bombarded with a steady stream of supermutants, all packing enough tragedy and anguish to power several hundred seasons of soap operas. The worst part is that they all want to _join_ the flock. I'd like to see you stay hidden from Itex with 116 angsty supermutants tagging along."

She gestured to the huddled mass of people that filled the clearing.

Esmerleodina opened her mouth to protest, but was stopped by the sight of Fang. He had come to see what was going on.

"Fang…" she breathed. Her lips parted slightly and her tawny eyes lit with a deep fire. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Fang stared at her, nonplussed.

"They're back from the grocery store," interrupted Max, standing and brushing off her jeans. Everyone turned as Iggy, Nudge, and Gazzy landed near the fire, each carrying three shopping bags stuffed with packages of hot dogs. It takes a lot of hot dogs to feed 116 supermutants.

"Any trouble?" asked Max. Iggy shrugged and started ripping open the packages.

"Just the usual. We ran into several tormented human girls who felt that we were 'different' and thus they were destined to join us. Although we convinced these ones that we were just Jehovah's Witnesses, I don't know how much longer we can keep using that line. Then there was a bit of a scuffle with some teenagers who wanted us to attend their high school, but we got away. Oh, and we were attacked six times by super-strong cyborgs with an uncanny resemblance to the Terminators."

Max frowned. "Only six times? Itex is slacking off. This is bad news; they must be planning something big."

Esmerleodina was staring at the tall, blind pyrotechnic. "Iggy…" she breathed. Her lips parted slightly and her velvet black eyes lit with a deep fire. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"For heaven's sake, make up your mind," snapped Angel on her way to the hot dogs.

* * *

Later that evening, Fang logged on to his magical laptop that could pick up a wireless signal _anywhere_, even in the middle of the wilderness, which was the case that evening. This was actually his twelfth laptop. The previous eleven had all gotten smashed. One reason was that Fang's backpack kept getting kicked by rabid wolf men and robots.

He typed in the address for Itex's website.

WELCOME TO THE HOMEPAGE OF THE ITEX CORPORATION!

News & Updates

11/12 – New! Friend us on Facebook! Click here.

12/11 – Developments on the evil robot front! Itex is pleased to announce the unveiling of the latest generation of our Metallic Evil Henchmen™ series: model MEH03-72. Order yours today! It includes all the latest, cutting-edge technology – but don't worry, we've retained all of those familiar features that have made our line the number one choice for villains worldwide. You'll still get the laser-red eyes, the tin-can-gone-wrong appearance, and the sheer stupidity that lets a small group of unarmed children completely destroy a herd of killing machines. Best of all, the MEH03-72 comes with even more weak spots, easy for the heroes to discover right in the middle of a desperate battle. With our latest model, it's _guaranteed_ that The Heroes Will Escape Every Time™!

"Yo," said Fang. Max glanced at him.

"Look."

He tossed the laptop in her direction. That's the other reason why Fang was on Laptop Number 12.

Max read the Itex bulletin. "Not again," she groaned, rubbing her temples.

_Use the force, Max, _said the Voice.

"Not AGAIN."

_Oh, and did I mention? Ari has come back to life._

"NOT AGAIN!"

"What's wrong?" asked Esmerleodina. "I could help. Remember, I'm a level 52 black belt in martial arts and my superpowers include the ability to freeze bullets in mid-air."

"You're still here?" said Max. She gritted her teeth. "But you're not staying, right?"

Esmerleodina looked at Max pleadingly, her silver eyes awash with grief and despair.

"Fine, fine," said Max wearily. "What's your DNA make-up?"

Esmerleodina perked up. "Well, I'm five percent panther, three percent – "

"Panther," Max interrupted. "Group 19. Over there." She pointed to a small group of supermutants sitting near the edge of the clearing. Esmerleodina slowly walked over.

"Hi," she said uncertainly, sitting next to a boy with stormy grey eyes, tousled ebony locks, and long, tawny whiskers.

The boy turned to her disdainfully. "I am Felixssone. When I pass by, all eyes turn to me, though I turn my eyes to none. I can control the thunder and the lightning; raging trees on blasted mountaintops bow to me. I am swifter than time and stronger than the Titans of old; I see farther than an eagle and hear more than an owl. Yet my heart is large enough and true enough to contain all of creation, if there was but some maiden who held the key."

"I think I'm going to be sick," said Esmerleodina.

* * *

Across the clearing, Angel was telling a story to Total and Celeste.

"Once upon a time, the flock packed their few belongings and flew to London. In a pub near King's Cross station, they ran into a nice old man with a very long beard, who told them that they were super-powerful wandless magic users (just another side effect of the whole recombinant-DNA thing). He invited them to attend a special school called Hogwarts. The flock, somehow forgetting their aversion to schools of all kind, immediately agreed. But imagine their surprise when they arrived the next day and discovered that they were not the only new students from the U.S. The others, from Oregon or Idaho or someplace near there, were a human girl named Bella and a suspiciously sparkly and fanged boy named Edwin."

"Edgar," said Total.

"Whatever. The flock quickly became good friends with Harry, Hermione, Ron, Bella, and the sparkly vampire. Together they made insolent comments to all the adults in the school, liberated house elves everywhere, and saved the world by combining their extreme magical powers to defeat Itex and Voldemort, who happened to be working for Itex. Afterwards they all got together for a huge celebration, at which Max finally admitted her love. She, Harry, and the sparkly vampire – Edmund or Eduardo or whatever his name was – formed a threesome and lived happily ever after."

"Wait, then who did Fang hook up with?" asked Celeste.

"Luna Lovegood," Angel said firmly.

Unfortunately for Angel, Max had overheard the part about the threesome.

"Angel!" she said, aghast. "You're six years old!"

"Yes," said Angel sweetly, "but I'm also a diabolic mind reader who will soon betray the entire flock, including all 116 supermutants."

"117 now," Max said absentmindedly. "It's past your bedtime."

Peace settled over the clearing. Iggy alone remained awake and on watch. He sat near the fire, carelessly rubbing his neck. His sightless eyes gazed at the stars above.

Suddenly he stiffened.

"Hey!" Iggy said. "I have gills!"

Max rolled over in her sleep and muttered, "Not again."

Once more, silence filled the night, broken only by the soft snoring of 117 supermutants.


End file.
